SD Double Flats

SD made an appearance at the club ride today, but his stealth dork equipped bike wasn't underneath him. Instead, he chose to sandbag the leisure ride on his retro wheels - a sweet 1994 Peugeot Success road bike. Unfortunately, he suffered two flats and had to bail early. It was a pity, as I enjoy riding with SD when he has a 53 tooth big ring - and just eight cogs to choose from in the back. He was like a fish out of water; no spin in his SD legs to drop me. Damn double flat!

In other news, SD #2 made it out to the ride as well, and, true to stealth dork form, was spinning up a storm at the front of the group. What a stealth antagonist. Why couldn't he have fallen victim to a double flat? Injustice!

SD # 1 SIGHTING (UNCONFIRMED EMAIL REPORT)

Just got an email from an informant who claims to have spotted SD #1 riding a modified version of one of our routes. (It has been a week since we last saw SD - frenching the Cervelo dog - so, out of concern, we put an APB out to the local clubs in hope of locating this elusive dorkwad.) This is an unconfirmed sighting, but the informant managed to pick up a piece of evidence that suggests it was indeed SD. Here is the email and evidence:

From: fellow non-believer
Date: April 10, 2008 9:05:54 PM GMT-04:00
To: SD_sightings at stealthdork.com
Subject: SAW SD DOING A *MODIFIED* STREETSVILLE LOOP

Non-Believer,

i am sure i saw SD late this afternoon riding the Streetsville loop... i was powering through sprint zone #2 and marked a rabbit further up the road. i thought i was closing the gap but just couldn't bridge the guy. before the right hand turn heading south back into T.O. i came within 300m and noted what appeared to be a cadence of 130+ rpm... this high cadence reminded be of the description you provided in the APB so I got out of the saddle and gave chase... we were heading south towards the city when i got within 100m of him so i shouted "hey, stealth dork, hold up!" he looked back and saw me coming at him him in an all out sprint so he makes a sudden left hand turn up a hill and starts dancing up the hill just like your APB described. this convinced me it was SD so I gave chase up the hill but the gap started to grow... as i crested the hill i found a crude looking map sketched on a yellow sticky note (attached to this email) but no sight of SD. he dropped me in the hills! as i studied the map it became clear that this hill detour wasn't unplanned... SD rigged the Streetsville Loop to favour his compact crank. it WAS him. sorry i couldn't catch him.

sincerely,

fellow non-believer

Here is the map fellow non-believer picked up off the ground:



Yup, that the Streetsville Loop, except for the "Stealth Dork Sprint" up the hill. What is he up to with this solo training program? Clearly he's up to no good.

SD, if you're reading this, come back. We're sorry. We won't call you a Stealth Dork... on Wednesdays. Every other day, well, like the wristbands that O'Grady had made for his CSC teammates in the '07 TdF says: "Harden The Fuck Up."

Oh no, they're multiplying

This is a dark day in cycling history. Met up with the club for our first group ride this morning (Stealth Dork was conspicuously absent - maybe he was out late last night romancing that dog he was french kissing at Cervelo the other day) and discovered this on a friends new ride (sweet ride his Time VXRS is - less the stealth dork crank, of course). Let's count the teeth on that big ring:

1, 2, 3, 4, 5... 50!

Oh no, ANOTHER STEALTH DORK is amongst us! Aghhhhh!

(click on the picture)

-outing a sandbagger-

Dammit! Stealth Dork tricked us into riding a flat route tonight. The longest hill is 14.3 meters (47 ft.) at best. The SD is gonna crush us on the only "hill" when he pops his chain into the 34 (small ring) / 39 (rapid acceleration, special order Taiwanese cog). Duped by a stealth dork, again.


UPDATE: We thought we out duped the duper Dork when we (non stealth dorks) decided to change the route and do hills in High Park, but it didn't take long for SD to go all stealth on us and drop into his 34/39 and spin up Ellis Park Rd. Grrrrr!