SD # 1 SIGHTING (UNCONFIRMED EMAIL REPORT)

Just got an email from an informant who claims to have spotted SD #1 riding a modified version of one of our routes. (It has been a week since we last saw SD - frenching the Cervelo dog - so, out of concern, we put an APB out to the local clubs in hope of locating this elusive dorkwad.) This is an unconfirmed sighting, but the informant managed to pick up a piece of evidence that suggests it was indeed SD. Here is the email and evidence:

From: fellow non-believer
Date: April 10, 2008 9:05:54 PM GMT-04:00
To: SD_sightings at stealthdork.com
Subject: SAW SD DOING A *MODIFIED* STREETSVILLE LOOP

Non-Believer,

i am sure i saw SD late this afternoon riding the Streetsville loop... i was powering through sprint zone #2 and marked a rabbit further up the road. i thought i was closing the gap but just couldn't bridge the guy. before the right hand turn heading south back into T.O. i came within 300m and noted what appeared to be a cadence of 130+ rpm... this high cadence reminded be of the description you provided in the APB so I got out of the saddle and gave chase... we were heading south towards the city when i got within 100m of him so i shouted "hey, stealth dork, hold up!" he looked back and saw me coming at him him in an all out sprint so he makes a sudden left hand turn up a hill and starts dancing up the hill just like your APB described. this convinced me it was SD so I gave chase up the hill but the gap started to grow... as i crested the hill i found a crude looking map sketched on a yellow sticky note (attached to this email) but no sight of SD. he dropped me in the hills! as i studied the map it became clear that this hill detour wasn't unplanned... SD rigged the Streetsville Loop to favour his compact crank. it WAS him. sorry i couldn't catch him.

sincerely,

fellow non-believer

Here is the map fellow non-believer picked up off the ground:



Yup, that the Streetsville Loop, except for the "Stealth Dork Sprint" up the hill. What is he up to with this solo training program? Clearly he's up to no good.

SD, if you're reading this, come back. We're sorry. We won't call you a Stealth Dork... on Wednesdays. Every other day, well, like the wristbands that O'Grady had made for his CSC teammates in the '07 TdF says: "Harden The Fuck Up."

--readership up, subscription still free (GST not included)--

Wow!  10 people (so say the number of votes registered on the stealth dork polls on the right side of this screen at this date and time) have read my homage to Stealth Dork, and by accidental discovery, Stealth Dork #2.  We're not even one week into this and we're already 10 readers ahead of projections.  A big thank you to you, the readers (non stealth dork GF, Mom, Dad, my brother and my six other non stealth dork relatives) for stopping by.  

To celebrate this, I pledge to you that I will make every Wednesday "Give SD(s) Some Love" day. Yup, every Wednesday I will grit my teeth and (try to) post something positive and supportive (ohhh that hurt just typing that) of the compact crank revolution.  Stay tuned for the first "Give a Dorkwad Some Love" day -- its not Wednesday yet, so I can be mean!

Oh, almost forgot the SD #1 and #2 update:  Went for an easy spin tonight with the crew (a stealth dork might be inclined to call it a "taking it ease" kinda spin) sans #1 and #2.  Maybe they get together on Monday night and ride their stealth dork equipped tandem?  

Oh no, they're multiplying

This is a dark day in cycling history. Met up with the club for our first group ride this morning (Stealth Dork was conspicuously absent - maybe he was out late last night romancing that dog he was french kissing at Cervelo the other day) and discovered this on a friends new ride (sweet ride his Time VXRS is - less the stealth dork crank, of course). Let's count the teeth on that big ring:

1, 2, 3, 4, 5... 50!

Oh no, ANOTHER STEALTH DORK is amongst us! Aghhhhh!

(click on the picture)

Cervelo visit and an awkward moment - part II

Back to the awkward moment at Cervelo earlier in the day...

As we toured the Cervelo office, SD was exhibiting a very short attention span - a typical behaviuoral trait amongst the compact crank crowd, so we dismissed it.  In hindsight, it is clear that Stealth Dork had an ulterior motive. We should have known he was less interested in touring a successful, high-end, Canadian bicycle manufacturer, but instead, on a compact crank PR mission.  So, how did it all go down? you ask.  Well, this is the awkward part...

As ADHD SD fidgeted his way through the first five minutes of the tour (like an Italian Pro on cocaine), he dropped back to the Gruppetto (made up of himself) and started bellowing this at someone:    

"are you the person around here in charge of sourcing cranks for these fancy bikes?"

We turn around to discover SD leaning over a cluster of desks, calf muscles and feet dancing in the air (like they do when he's schooling us up a hill at a cadence of 130+ in his 34/39), having what appeared to be a one-sided discussion.  Two of us react immediately (in embarrassment) and rush towards what might become a confrontation, only to discover that the "person" SD is badgering is the company dog, and the dog is licking the leftover chicken wing sauce off of SD's face, hence his dancing legs.  Ummm, awkward!

Update:  Just received an email from the veterinarian and, thankfully, the dog is current with his vaccinations, so he'll be fine.  Sadly, SD will have to be put down for aggressive behaviour.

(click on the picture)

50/34 on the front, 13-35 in the rear!