Not a Stealth Dork; not even stealth!

I'm still a bit traumatized after discovering another Stealth Dork (now affectionately known as SD #2) in our club yesterday, so on today's ride I spent a lot of time looking at rider's cranks and counting the teeth.

1, 2, 3...53 - phew; 1, 2, 3...53 - phew, 1, 2, 3...53 - phew, 1, 2, 3...5o! I look up at the rider; oh, just SD #2. We chatted briefly:

Non-Believer (me): Hi SD #2. Great cadence you got there. It's a shame you can't harness the watts your generating to power a centrifuge or something.

SD # 2: Bite me! (as he gears into a 50/11 and spins off into the horizon. It is truly a shame we can't harness the watts these stealth dork types generate to feed the grid. Rather selfish, don't you think?)

Well, end of that conversation. Back to counting teeth. As I worked my way up to the next rider in the echelon, I discovered these:

(click on picture)

Oh my god! Freak of nature. To help you visualize this, think of Popeye's forearms, but as calf muscles. I spent the rest of the ride on this non stealth dork's wheel observing these non stealth calves while singing the Popeye theme song. Don't remember the lyrics? Let me refresh your memory (and share my pain):

I'm Popeye the Sailor Man.
I'm Popeye the Sailor Man.
I'm strong to the finich.
Cause I eats me spinach.
I'm Popeye the Sailor Man.

Yup, I sang that tune for two hours; kept me from counting teeth on the big rings of other riders in the peloton this time. To those in the peloton who have a stealth dork crank, I have three words for you:

I'll find you. And when I do, I'll out you on this blog. (Okay, so that was thirteen words.)

For the record, non stealth calf muscles does not ride a stealth dork crank.

Stealth Dork # 1 update: missing from the peloton again today. The dog at Cervelo couldn't have been that good of a kisser!?!